What We Focus On Expands

Have you ever met someone who really “gets your goat”? Someone you’re perhaps obliged to hang out with but who has, for example, an annoying personality trait that you just can’t stand? If you’re human, I’m sure you have. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Every time you encounter that person, whether what they have to say is actually valid or not, your perception of them is somehow coloured by the one thing that looms large in the foreground – that one thing you can’t stand about them.

An example from my own life is “John”. John is a compulsive talker who attends a meeting we hold here once a week. He cannot abide silent pauses in conversations – even for a couple of seconds. He has to fill them with anything, often digressing in a meandering way from the general topic being discussed at the time.

Occasionally, his sharing has become so protracted that I’ve had to say, “Could you stop talking now please, so that someone else can share?” I’m loathe to do this of course, as it could come across as abrupt and uncaring. I’ve already had a gentle word with him about this, and he’s promised to do something about it, but he can’t – because he’s compelled to talk and it seems that he can’t help but continue to do so.

What makes matters worse is that I’m not the only one who’s bothered by this – most other members of the group are annoyed by it – some more than others.

This of course compounds the problem, because now, there’s a whole group of people holding the same perception of John.

What to do? One day, I decided to practice that which I know intellectually to be the case, but which often isn’t employed until things become unbearable. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I finally realised that his behaviour probably wasn’t going to magically change overnight, so I simply let go of my judgement of it. In fact, I allowed myself to fully feel the feelings that arose when he was talking non-stop, and welcomed them –ย  rather than resisting them. This seems counter-intuitive to most people, who imagine that “welcoming” something would allow it have a greater hold when in fact, the exact opposite is the case.

It is our resistance to things that make them persist. When we allow feelings (for example)ย  free passage, rather than blocking them out, they will no longer bother us.

Has John’s behaviour changed at all as a result of this? Actually, it seems that it has in some measure. But of course, that could just be my corrected perception of him which, in the end, is all that matters. ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Stuck

How often do we hear the cry – or even find ourselves declaring, “I’m stuck!”

How many of us often feel that we can’t move forward because we feel we are lumbered with a recurring belief, attitude, or problem that we want to get rid of?

Several things occur when we discover this:

  • We feel bad and judge ourselves harshly because we are still stuck with it after what is often a long period of time, thus compounding the original problem and its stickiness
  • We look to othersย  – a book, an authority figure, a teacher or a theory for an explanation. This may bring temporary relief, but we are often still stuck with the problem – except that now, we have one (or more) ways of explaining it or rationalising it!
  • We try to control our minds, in the hope that doing so might prevent the behaviour or action from manifesting itself. (Have you ever tried controlling your mind for any length of time? Good luck with that! I can’t even predict what my next thought will be – can you?)

There is one main problem with all of the above: We are trying to get rid of something – rather than looking at it from a fresh point of view in order to fully examine its validity.

Trying to get rid of something never works, because we are pushing against the problem which actually makes it more real and “solid”. “What you resist persists.”

What does seem to work, in my view, is to simply experience the stuckness as it is – without any labels, descriptions, etc.

When we are able to do this, the problem simply dissolves or integrates rather than being resisted,ย  thus freeing our “head space” and allowing us to move on, less burdened than we were before.

Often, fresh insights and ways forward will be “miraculously” revealed because of this resulting clarity.

 

 

Identity

We often get so wrapped-up in our various roles in life, that we become stuck in them, identify with them, and begin to believe the we actually are the roles we are playing.

An obvious example of this might be someone who retires, and after several years in the same job, is so identified with that role that they unconsciously feel that the job was their whole life. This person now finds a gaping void in front of them, not know what to do to fill the hours in each day.

Last year, I experienced this myself after 6 years of being a voiceover artist, mainly contracted to one company.

Overnight, all of the contractors were laid off.

After having been so involved in the job and enjoying the benefits it brought – as well as feeling a somewhat childish sense of “specialness” when telling people what I did for a living, I began to question whether I actually was that role and, if I was, whether I actually even enjoyed the work I’d been doing!

Fortunately, the years I’d spent being involved in “self-help” and investigating a wide variety of methods of undoing these types of blocks, I was able to undo my attachment to the role I’d created for myself.

After having done this, other areas of possible work opened up – quite possibly as a result of freeing myself from this fixed identity, some of which I wouldn’t even have considered before.

Of course, who we really are at our core is beyond all these identities, but I’ll elaborate on that another time. ๐Ÿ™‚

If you’d like help in getting unstuck from anything you feel is preventing you from moving forward in life, feel free to contact me here.

 

It’s All About Love

Love. It’s really all about love. Not discussions about love, but the experience that deep down, you are love itself. The phrase “deep down” is used only because of the veils of beliefs and concepts which apparently hide your essence.

If you can touch that centre, your essential being – even for one second, it is worth more than hours of debate, and discussions – how ever “on point” or interesting they may seem.

The question is, what do you value? Do you value inner peace (or love) above all things. Free will debate aside, it at least *appears* that you have the choice as to where you can put your attention. The problem is the habit of thinking and the 1,000,000 objects and ideas that pull you hypnotically away from your centre.

Value only one thing above all else. There is something – eternal and intangible that you have always been and always will be. All else is really just part of a game.

If you’re ready, you’ll choose love as often as you remember. Yes, it’s a new habit you could say, but one well worth fostering.

The question is, have you had enough of the folly called “the human experience”? Not to deny it though – in fact to accept and embrace all in love is the key.

Particularly love and accept the disowned fragments of your separated self (ego) and love those too – just the way they are. Then you will be whole.

Love is the beginning and the end. The alpha and the omega.

Choose right now which Master you will serve: love, or fear (separation).